Archive for May, 2011

For Kevin

Today would have been my friend Kevin’s 32nd birthday and I wish so badly that I could call him and tell him I’m thinking of him and reminisce about old times together.

I don’t know all the details about why he chose to take his own life this past fall, but I think there must have been despair and there must have been isolation and the very deepest pain.

Kevin was a loyal friend.  He was intelligent and sensitive and thoughtful.  He was compassionate and empathetic.  He was fun and interested in lots of things for their own sake.

I’m tempted to spend the day sitting in my chair and crying and asking why.  I’m tempted to blame myself and every other person in his life for failing him.  I’m tempted to force the things I don’t understand to make sense.

I struggle against these thoughts to remind myself that God’s tender-loving-kindness is greater than anything else.  So instead I’m making chicken stock and crying, and doing dishes and crying, and feeding my cat and crying.


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Wow, it’s been a while.  Almost a month.  I’m feeling it, too.  But in the last couple of weeks I haven’t had much time to catch my breath.  I’ll be back soon to tell you about it.

In the meantime, here’s the beginning of this month’s article in PeaceSigns, and a link to the full article:

Several weeks ago the touchscreen on my fancy-pants cell phone suddenly stopped working. Panic-stricken, I rushed to the nearest wireless service provider before going to work. How could I survive the day disconnected? What if my husband needed me? What if there was an emergency? What if the car broke down? What if…?

{Click here to read the rest of the story.}

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